Suicide

I feel a compulsion to write about what was Aaron but have no idea where it will take me. The powerful impact of suicide is being felt in my extended family. Today most of our family lives contain ex’s. These are never ex-ed out as most are bound by early bonds of marriage, children, and family-in-laws.
Last night, an eleven o’clock call brought the tearful news from my former wife that her nephew, my daughter’s close cousin, had killed himself. A shotgun blast left the twenty-seven year old behind their house to be found by his wife and three year old son. Those most torn, are loving parents and a brother wondering where they went wrong. An aunt and uncle clutch to their children concerned for a strand of that seed in their offspring, reeling from such proximity, and deepest sympathy for the trauma of their brother and his wife. His grandmother forms another callous to allow her vigilance as a surviving matriarch.
The lack of understanding drops us to our knees, even in my distant role. Busily getting through the day at work keeps it at bay till the silence of a drive home leaves nothing but Aaron on your mind. What can possibly repudiate the beauty of living?
The will to live is so paramount in all animal species with some exceptions in ours. Years ago, I remember catching a rancid tomcat with my bare hands. He had been raiding my garbage can for some time. I felt his instinctive will to survive in the grip of my hands. What can possibly take that from Homo-sapiens?It is not within me to understand.